All the little lego pieces

Realising things that really should have been obvious from day one creates a very strange physical feeling and I have become aware of the extent to which I have been able to mentally "know" something while completely ignoring it in my heart. Instead of using my brain to understand reality I have been using it to deflect it, quite brilliantly I might add! This is the 9th week of separation and I have to confess that I am still finding reality quite disconcerting especially when I see the things I prioritised with so much energy in the early stages, now completed and devoid of meaning. My room is an example, I invested money and time in decorating and creating a little haven for myself which was the number one priority, now it is completed and I don't know what to focus on any more. I had also invested so much of myself in believing in him and he has failed me at every opportunity which forces me to face the reality of how much I have protected the world from over the years, I have not been a wife, I have been the mother of a scared, insecure toddler. I can now forgive myself for holding on for so long, how does anyone with a heart abandon someone who needs them so desperately, but I have real children of my own now and he is willing to hurt them for his own agenda and I cannot abandon them and they are my absolute priority. So now I have to stop hiding in little projects and other priorities and accept that all the little lego pieces of my life have fallen apart and I can either keep stepping on them in my bare feet or I can roll up my sleeves and start building something new with them, time to focus on the opportunities that await