Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true... isn't it?

I am beginning the blame the failure of my marriage on the musical "Wicked", but at the very least it will explain the title of this blog! I think the idea that "Happy" is the result of all your dreams coming true probably keeps a lot of people in bad places because if you wanted something so badly, and it turns out to be not what you expected emotionally, while outwardly filling all the visible criteria, it is so hard to see that the situation is wrong and not just your perception of it. I remember thinking not long ago that I would have to stay on antidepressants all my life just to be able to stay with not-romeo, and the horror of a thought like that never even registered, it was just added to the shopping list. I live each day at the moment with a tremendous sense of loss but has taken a while for me to realise that what I feel I have lost is the "Happy" the illusion of perfection when you have the big handsome husband (the tall fireman of all iconic images) the perfect family (beautiful boy and girl), the nice house, etc. etc. but when the life inside those walls is one of quiet desperation, well it is a fully thing to call "Happy". That is why the song from Wicked has been going around in my head all weekend but I am pleased to recognise that it has been replaced by a new one today..."Loathing, unconditional loathing, I loath it all..." I have a feeling I will be kicking those tablets a lot sooner than I thought