Missing Pieces

One of the major downsides of being with the one person for the entirety of your adult life is the fact that some of you does not grow independently, in a way you become like to emotionally conjoined twins. In my case the part that did not grow was the ability to have opinions of my own, an ability to be responsible for my own actions. In order for this to happen, I had to subjugate my needs to the needs of others because to put myself first would be selfish, add two children into the equation and I was left with a fragile shell containing the wisps of a personality without substance. I was recently told that I can be very hurtful in how I speak to others and that it has been attributed to the way that not-romeo drained me of all self confidence, it did raise a wan smile as the person who "kindly" relayed this information to me was probably the person who most undermined my self confidence my whole life, but that is a completely different counselling session! I can see that now, and although I have forgiven myself the flaw, I did after all think I was being funny!, I understand the extent to which I have had to protect the fragile shell. My biggest challenge now is in building those "Missing Pieces" of my personality, giving substance to the ghostly presence I have had to date. In a way this blog is part of that as I would have always talked out my thoughts, gotten approval for them mainly and definitely scripted them carefully to make sure they were not dismissed as silly. I miss being able to "file" my thoughts through talking, but in writing this I am aware that the fear of being dismissed caused me to censor my thoughts too, so what exactly was I talking through? So many missing pieces.